Sample Writing 2

Also from the same story previously posted. I wrote this in hodge podge pieces.

Sample 2

 "I don't need a knight-in-shining armor, Phelan," she snapped, pushing me away roughly. Her cheeks glowed red with anger.

"Then what do you need, Rawnie?"I asked softly, looking down at my hands, calloused by years of self-sufficiency.

For once, the girl who had something to say about everything was silent. I glanced up at her and was surprised to see tears shining in her eyes.

"Rawnie-," I began. How could I even begin to tell her? I wasn't one to be particularly blunt with my feelings.</p>

"What I need," she said in a hoarse voice, "is for you to just leave me alone. Because, honestly, Phelan, I don’t need you being my babysitter. I haven't needed anybody ever and I certainly don't need anybody now!" She stopped, breathing heavily and brushing away tears of frustration.

"I'm not trying to be a babysitter," I said, feeling such pity for the girl standing in front of me. There was so much more to her than she let on and Boyd had told me so little. I reached forward and brushed a silver tear from her smooth cheek.

I could see the surprise and confusion register in those hauntingly beautiful hazel eyes. She opened her mouth to speak, but I held up my hand to stop her.

"Rawnie," I rasped, running my thumb down the side of her face and below her lower lip.

The widening of her eyes in comprehension caused my heart to beat more erratically, if that was even possible, and my mouth got dry. The battle of her emotions was easily displayed on her normally closed face, and I knew it would be one of the few times I would ever get to see those raw emotions. Rawnie took a hesitant step away from her door, raising a slender hand to trace the outline of my cheekbone.

The line between patience and eagerness faded in that instant and I lowered my face to hers, kissing her with as much passion as I could convey. My heart soared as she responded to my fervor, deepening the kiss by wrapping her arms around my neck. The contours of her body fit perfectly against mine.

She slowly back up, dragging me gently along with her as she moved. She finally pulled away when she hit the door. She was flushed and her breathing was ragged and uneven. Almost hesitantly, Rawnie pulled keys from her coat pocket.

"Not mine, I hope," I said jokingly, voice weak.

"They're mine," she promised. There was a pregnant pause and then she said, "Did you want to come in? I don't have Galen tonight. Pyrene wanted to dog sit. I can't imagine why though. If it were me-"

I stifled a chuckle and her small hand flew to her perfect bow mouth. She had realized that she was babbling and turned pink slightly.

"I would like to come in," I said carefully. I didn't want her to all of a sudden backpedal and wonder what the hell she was doing. "But you have to be sure about it, Rawnie. I don't want you to regret anything later."

After taking a deep, shaking breath, she met my gaze. I heard the key slide into the door and the lock click open. Letting the heavy door swing inward, she stepped through the threshold of her small apartment. In the dim light that illuminated the first few feet of the living room, Rawnie looked small, innocent, and most of all... breakable.

Well,"she said in a tiny voice, spreading her arms. "This is it. My apartment."

I walked through the doorway, probably just as nervous as her. Since my parents had died, I had all but abandoned dating and I was somewhat awkward with the social scene. I prayed to God that doing this was the right thing and that neither of us was making a huge mistake.

From what I could see in the minimal light, the small space was scarcely furnished, but books of all kinds were crammed into every available space.

I grinned at her. "It's great."

I could tell she was embarrassed by the way she shuffled past me to shut the door. She flicked the light switch and nothing happened. She flicked it up and down again with the same result.

"Shit," she muttered, tossing her book bag into the nearest corner. "Fuckin' bill didn't go through."

The frustration in her voice was obvious as she cursed again, rummaging through a drawer that was next to the door. All of a sudden, a thin beam of light appeared.

I'm so sorry, Phelan," Rawnie said tearfully as she shined the flashlight at me. "You know how it is."

I heard her choke back a sob.

"Hey, don't worry about it," I said reassuringly. "It happens. Let's see if we can find some candles."

"I don't have any."

Shoving my hands deep into my leather bomber jacket's pockets, I looked at her and again saw the gleam of tears.

"Rawnie, don't worry about it." I hesitated before saying, "How about we go back to my place. It'll be warmer and less stressful. You'll be too worried about not having electricity and you won't be able to function at work tomorrow if we stay here."

"But-"

"Babe," I said. "You're gonna make yourself sick. So, please. Just take me up on my offer."

Her voice was grateful as she muttered a quick 'yes.'

'I'm just going to grab some clothes," she said, moving past me quickly and going into, what I assumed, was her bedroom.

A few minutes later, she re-emerged with a small bag at her side.

"Ready?" I asked, as she retrieved her book bag. She nodded. "Then let's go."

"I just need to tell Pyrene that she needs to keep Galen for tomorrow too," she said over her shoulder. "I'm sure she'll be thrilled, even if her parents aren't."

"Sure thing. I'll meet you downstairs," I told her as she locked the door behind me.

As I waited for the elevator, watching her disappear around the corner, I thought about how bad Rawnie's situation actually was. From the first moment I had met her, I had realized that she wasn't the richest person in the world, but coming to her apartment had confirmed just how much she was struggling. The no electricity, the scarcity of furniture, and the mere fact that it was colder in her apartment than it was outside made it obvious how much she needed help. I wondered why her family didn't help her out.

I knew from what her cousin-in-law had hinted that her family didn't consider her to be part of them and that he and his wife, Meara, tried to help her when they could, but he never elaborated on the situation. I gave a frustrated punch to the side of the elevator, denting the cheap wood paneling. I was more than willing to help Rawnie and I could tell that Boyd was too, but the situation with the family prevented him. But just what that situation was, I had yet to find out.

When I reached the lobby, I made my way to my truck as quickly as possible. I wanted to warm up the cab of the truck for her. As I slid into my seat, I made sure the heat was on full blast. I had no idea how she managed to survive when her apartment was that cold. Lost in my thinking, I didn't see Rawnie emerge from her apartment building. I heard a sharp tap on the passenger's side window and looked up in surprise. I could see her fight back a smile as I reached over to open the door. She pulled herself up into the truck and immediately put her purple hands by the heater. She winced at the sudden change of temperature, but she didn't move them.

"You ready?"I asked, shifting into gear.

She took a deep, nervous breath. "Yeah, I guess so. Onward, Mr. Phelan>"

"Of course, Miss Rawnie."

Sample Writing 1

I have about eight million things in the works. This is just a sampling of a novel idea that I came up with. I'm hoping that I will work on it soon. Critiques accepted. I haven't looked at this in a while, so I'm sure it needs some severe editing... Ugh. On the to-do list. The one that never seems to shrink.

 Sample 1

“Stop listening to Boyd, Miles, or whoever it is that’s telling you all this crap,” Rawnie said, balling her fists tightly at her side. “I am nearly twenty. I think I can handle my own life. So stop trying to be my father, my brother, my boyfriend. Whatever it is you think you are. Just stop.”

“Rawnie−”

She cut me off. “Try telling your advice to someone who cares and who’ll listen, but that someone isn’t me. So back off.”

“That relationship is unhealthy! You’re letting that plastic, blonde Barbie poison you and you don’t even realize it! Cavan isn’t good for you and that pariah that he’s dating is even worse.”

“I don’t have to listen to this,” she snapped, trying to brush past me in the bar’s narrow hallway. I grabbed her wrist as she passed, noticing her wince as I tightened my grip. She whirled around, murder flashing in her eyes.

“Let. Go,” she said, voice velvety soft and deadly.

“You don’t have to listen,” I told her angrily, watching her wince again as I put more pressure on her wrist. “But I advise that you do. Cavan doesn’t love you the way you do him. It will never be that way and you know it. If you didn’t, there wouldn’t be these marks on your wrist.”

I shoved up her sweater sleeve, revealing the angry red slashes crisscrossing up and down her arm. Rawnie yanked her wrist from my grip and thrust down her sleeve.

“This is none of your damn business, Phelan,” she said, tightly folding her arms underneath her breasts. “So I’d appreciate it if you’d butt the hell out!”

“This is my business. Rawnie, I may not know you extremely well, but I’ve known you long enough to care about you as much as Boyd, Meara, and Miles do,” I said, trying to explain my feelings. To explain how compelled I was by her. “I can’t sit here while you practice self-mutilation and start down the path of self-destruction. I won’t.”

“Well, aren’t you a saint?” she sneered. She started down the hall, but stopped and turned to face me. “And you’re wrong, Saint Phelan. Cavan does love me. He’s just too nice to break up with Kaili right now because her grandmother just died. So just drop it because it’s none of your business.”

She stormed away, leaving me alone in the doorway of the storage room. I stood there, trying to understand her skewed rationale. The only reason I could think of was the fact that Rawnie was head over heels in love with that Abercrombie model look-a-like perched on the bar stool next to her and because of that, she didn’t see anything clearly. She didn’t realize that when Cavan looked at her, it wasn’t a look of love like her gave Kaili. It was a look of pity. And that look made me angry. Turning swiftly, I punched the wall hard. The pain that rushed through my arm felt good.

“Rawnie, watch the bar real quick,” I heard Miles say over the other bar patrons and televisions. “I’m gonna see if Phelan broke his neck getting those cases of beer.”

“If only we were so lucky,” she laughed and I bristled at the comment. “Last time I saw him, he was in the storage room.”

“Hey, Phelan,” Miles called, coming down the hall. Where the hell are you?”

“In here,” I said, trying to keep my voice calm. I was ridiculously close to snapping and staying away from the bar at that moment would prevent me from breaking Cavan’s neck.

Miles picked up on the edge of fury in my voice and poked his head into the room.

“What’s the matter?” he asked, taking in the dent in the wall and the vein in my neck pulsing angrily.

“It’s 5’2”, is the biggest pain in the ass,” I snapped. “And came in with Barbie and Ken.”

The large man chuckled infuriatingly. “What did she do to you this time?”

I glared at him irritably. “It’s not what she’s doing to me. It’s what she’s doing to herself. The fact that she’s convinced that asshole loves her is completely absurd.”

“Now, now,” Miles began.

“No. There is not ‘now, now.’ She’s hurting herself. And I don’t just mean emotionally.”

I saw my boss blanch for a second, and then focus in on my face. “What do you mean?” he asked slowly.

I swallowed hard. For some reason, there was a lump in my throat. “It was like someone was playing tic-tac-toe on her arm, Miles. With a razor. She knows deep down that Cavan doesn’t want her, that’s why she’s doing it. She’d rather feel physical pain than acknowledge the big gaping hole in her heart.”

Miles started off into space for a second, rubbing his chin. “This is serious. We may have to talk to Boyd and Meara about it. See if you can convince her to stay here tonight or to stay with you.”

“What I want to do is kick the shit out of pretty boy. He’s the reason for it! He pisses me off.”

Despite the seriousness of the situation, Miles slipped in a sly grin. “Rawnie growing on you more than you thought, eh, Phelan?”

“Shut up! This is serious,” I snapped, grabbing the cases of beer and stalking away.

His laughter followed me down the hall.

As I slid back behind the bar, I saw Rawnie stiffen and glare at me over her usual glass of Sprite. I fought the childish urge to stick my tongue out at her.

“Hey, Phelan,” Cavan said, smiling his too perfect smile. “Could I get an order of onion rings?”

“Baby,” cooed the tan blonde sitting next to him. “You know I hate the smell of onion rings.”

“Aw, come on, Kaili,” he protested. “Rawnie and I love onion rings, especially on football nights.”

“Well, don’t blame me if I won’t come near you later,” she said, giving him what I could only label as ‘googly eyes.’

Cavan just laughed as he hopped off the barstool and headed to the bathroom.

“God, Rawnie,” Kaili said, giving the girl a nasty look. “Can’t you ever just not order those stupid onion rings? You know they make him throw up half the time.”

For someone who was tougher than nails, Rawnie flinched at the blonde’s tone and just stared down at her barely eaten hamburger, cowed by a Barbie.

“Well, I guess because you get what you want, it doesn’t matter if Cavan gets sick.”

“That’s not true,” Rawnie protested weakly.

“It is so and you know it!” Kaili shot back heatedly.

“I’m sorry,” the tiny girl whispered, taking a small sip of Sprite. She looked towards the bathrooms and relaxed visibly when she saw Cavan.

“Hey! My two favorite girls!” Cavan said when he sat back down. “Ready for some killer onion rings?”

Cavan missed the glare that his bitch of a girlfriend shot Rawnie. I saw her swallow quickly and turn red with shame. I would have to have a talk with her. She couldn’t back down like this.

“Um, actually,” Rawnie said. “I’m full. So I won’t eat any. Don’t bother.”

Cavan frowned. “But you’ve barely eaten, honey. Are you feeling okay?”

I saw Kaili bristle at the word ‘honey’ and almost laughed.

“I’m fine,” Rawnie assured him, a huge fake smile gracing her features. “Ella bought me a huge lunch today. So I’m good.”

I cleared my throat, causing the three of them to look at me. I know for a fact that what Rawnie said was a lie because when I passed Ella Leeds’s office today, the girl had been sitting outside just eating yogurt. Those hazel eyes met mine, pleading for me not to say anything. For some reason, I gave in.

“So, no onion rings then?” I asked, letting them know I heard the whole exchange. “I haven’t put the order in yet.”

“Guess so, my man,” Cavan said, shrugging.

I saw him stare at Rawnie for a minute before his attention returned back to the football game on the television. Some concerned friend he was. He didn’t even question anything Rawnie had said. Maybe Rawnie was just that good of a liar. I shook my head in disgust. Why Rawnie thought this kid loved her was beyond me. People say that love’s not rational, and to a degree, maybe they’re right. But I think there has to be some sense of rationality or else you would hurt all the time.

I glanced at the girl in front of me and saw her pushing her French fries around her plate miserably.

“Hey, Leoni,” I said softly, coming closer. “Do you want a container to take that home in?”

I saw her struggle with whether or not she was still pissed at me or grateful for me not saying anything to Cavan. I knew I had won when she let out a heavy sigh.

“Sure,” she said, meeting my gaze.

I turned away to get the Styrofoam container when I heard her say something else in a whisper.

“And thanks.”

Still facing away from her, I let a huge smile cross my face. This girl was scarred indefinitely, but was so pure-hearted. I couldn’t get over it. She was rude, bossy, irritating, and crude, but still one of the nicest people I had ever met.

“Here ya go, babe,” I said, handing her the container. She colored slightly and started putting her food in it. I was sure she’d kill me for saying that later.

Cavan heard my comment. He faced me, giving me a hard stare, but I also saw the curiosity behind the sudden hostility.

“Hey, I think we should go. It’s late and Kaili and I have a 7:00 class. And you,” he said to Rawnie. “You have to be at work for 6:30, missy.”

“You can go, Cavan. I’ll just walk home.”

“Absolutely not!” snapped Mr. Perfect. “Not this late and not in this area!”

The brunette made a face. “The fourth quarter just started!” she complained. “I can’t leave now! I always stay for the entire game!”

“Rawnie…” Cavan warned.

“Oh, fine. But you owe me big time. This is a great game.”

I cleared my throat for what seemed like the thousandth time tonight. The three younger kids looked at me. They probably were thinking that I had some weird thyroid problem.

“Miles actually wanted you to stay here tonight. I think he wanted help with something. He said that he would drive you to work in the morning as well.”

“Really?” she asked, excited to be able to finish watching the game.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” Cavan said slowly.

“She’s almost twenty, baby,” Kaili said. “Let her do whatever she wants. If she wants to stay and ‘entertain’ Miles with her antics, let her. But I want to go home.”

I nearly punched the empty-headed bitch for what she had just implied. That Rawnie paid her way with sex and that Miles was sleazy enough to accept. I clenched my fists and I could feel the blood pounding in my ears dangerously. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Rawnie take in how angry I was. She opened her mouth to speak and I was tempted to cover it with my hand and let the blonde have the brunt of my fury.

“Tell Miles thanks, but no thanks. Cavan’s right. I should get to bed.”

Cavan smiled at me triumphantly and Kaili pouted, rolling her eyes.

“I get off in ten minutes,” I said as calmly as possible. “I’ll drive you. It’s on my way home anyway.”

Cavan jumped slightly at the statement.

“Do you know where she lives?” he challenged, trying to cover his shock with bravado.

“Actually, yes. I’ve driven her home plenty of times.”

This was a lie and Rawnie narrowed her eyes at me, when she heard me. I had only driven her that one time, when I first met her.

Mr. Perfect paled at the statement. He probably thought I had other intentions and I was like any other scumbag.

“Well−” he sputtered.

“Enough you two,” Rawnie said, stepping in. “It’s okay, Cavan. Phelan can drive me home. Kaili said she was tired and my apartment is really out of the way. Don’t worry. I’ll be fine.”

“If you say so,” he said reluctantly. He pulled out his wallet and handed me his gold card. “Put Rawnie’s dinner on the tab,” he instructed me, voice cold.

“I can pay!” she protested.

“If you won’t let me drive you home, it’s the least I can do,” he told her, putting the card in his wallet after signing the receipt. “See you later.”

After Cavan and Kaili left, Rawnie turned to me.

“Was that absolutely necessary?”

“What?” I asked, feigning innocence, knowing full well what she was talking about.

She gave me a look that could peel paint. “Don’t play dumb. You didn’t need to goad him like that. He worries enough as it is.”

“Not enough in my opinion,” I quipped. “Not enough to catch that lewd comment Airhead Barbie made about you and Miles. Not enough to press the fact that you barely ate anything. He seemed more worried that I knew where you lived than anything else.”

“That’s not fair!” said Rawnie furiously. “And FYI. You don’t look like Mr. Rogers. There’s a reason he was worried about you. You look like you could beat up a raging bull!”

I snorted.

“He cares about me. I don’t understand why you can’t see that!” she snapped.

“And I don’t understand how you can still think he loves you the way he does Kaili when anyone with half a brain can see that he doesn’t. He looks at you with pity, Rawnie, not love!”

Rawnie’s hazel eyes went steely. “Thank you for the ride offer, but I think I’d prefer to walk tonight. Maybe another time.”

She hopped off her barstool and made her way to grab her sweatshirt hanging on one of the pegs near the door. Miles caught my eye and gave me a look of disappointment and disapproval.

“What?” I asked shortly, pissed off.

“Go after her and drive her home,” he ordered me, with an authoritative ring to his voice. That was new. “You can leave early.”

“No. She’s being stubborn.”

“GO.”

“Fine. Bye.”

“And Phelan.” I turned. “Stop pushing her away. She needs you regardless of whether or not the both of you realize it. She’s been hurtin’ real bad for a long time. I think you’re the best person for her. So, give her a break.”

I just nodded, feeling the weight of what Miles had said settle on my shoulders. Miles had been trying to set us up since day one, but I sense a more serious tone to what he said. What I did know was that Rawnie drew me to her in a way no female had before. It was like a moth to a flame. She was a different being all together.

“Get moving!” Miles snapped. “She’ll be halfway down the street and she may be strong, but not strong enough to fight off a gang of horny men.”

That had me bolting out the door and looking widely around to find the girl who had wholly consumed my life. Instead of being assaulted, Rawnie was sitting on the low brick wall that lined the perimeter of the Brickskeller, kicking her heels against the red stone.

She didn’t look at me as I sat beside her and placed my jacket on her thin, shaking shoulders.

“I was deciding whether or not I was going to apologize.”

“Hey−”

“You’re right, you know,” she said cutting me off like she did so often.

“What?”

“He doesn’t love me the same way he does Kaili. I know that. I just want to keep pretending for a little while.”

“You can’t−”

“Can you just drive me home and not talk about it, please?” she asked. “I just want to go to sleep.”

“Sure,” I said, my voice soft. I ushered her to my truck, opening her door and helping her in.

The ride to her apartment building was silent, except for the sound of the heater blowing on high. I occasionally glanced over at her to see what she was feeling, but Rawnie’s face was blank and completely void of emotion. I couldn’t grasp how deeply her scars went, but I so desperately wanted to help her.

As we slowed to a stop in front of the tall brick building, the girl shrugged off my coat and hung it on the back of her seat.

“Thanks,” she muttered quickly, hand on the door latch.

“Rawnie, wait,” I murmured, looking at her. She paused, but didn’t meet my gaze. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to sound like I’m trying to rule your life. I’m just concerned.”

“You don’t need to be,” she told me softly, still avoiding my eyes.

I gently took her hand and pushed up her sleeve again, exposing the mutilated flesh. Her cheeks burned red, while her face remained impassive.

“I think I do. Rawnie, you can’t keep pretending things are fine when they aren’t. You know that as well as I do.”

She pulled her hand out of mine and carefully traced the patterns of the angry marks, but slowly and deliberately hiding the cuts from sight.

“It’s to take away the pain,” she said, still refusing to look at me. “It’s the only way I know how.”

“You can’t deal with pain this way. Just like your relationship with Cavan, this is extremely unhealthy,” I said, leaning closer. I tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. She flinched and for the first time since she got into the cab of my truck, she met my gaze. Those hazel eyes were haunting.

“Don’t be so nice,” she whispered, eyes becoming glassy with unshed tears.

“Why?”

“I don’t deserve it,” she said, shutting her eyes tightly.

“Rawnie, look at me.” She shook her head. A tear escaped from behind her closed lids and I caught it with my thumb. “Look at me.”

Her eyes flew open and her lips parted in surprise.

“Don’t.”

“Why not?” I rasped.

She pulled away from my touch, more tears trickling down her cheeks. Opening the truck’s door, she looked back at me.

“Because I’m not worth it.”

I pulled back, shocked at the statement. She used the opportunity to escape, quickly gathering her stuff.

“Rawnie–“

She slammed the door and was gone.